It’s that TOM, ya’ll. This is quite possibly a first - a LOSS. I’ll take that tomorrow too, please.
We went to the beach this morning and going down a steep set of old brick stairs I lost my footing and fell hard on my left knee, skinning it to heck and back, plus I twisted my right ankle. No exercise for me. 
I should be worried but I’m going to think positive. For now.
Currently Listening:
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Mercy (Dancing for the Death of an Imaginary Enemy) by Ours
1 comment August 1st, 2008
Well I’m so sorry about your wife
She’s up and off and running
Going on with her own life
Word to your mother
She’s stunning
And there’s a part of you
That’s just a little scared of her
Axis turns the world
And you have to jet to get to her
She’s great
and she knows
How to wear the pants
and the rest of your clothes
-Storm and The Balls
Add comment April 23rd, 2008
I finally caved and cut my toenails last night. Too bad the clippers were so old and dull that they look crapastic today. A pedicure is not in the funds right now, so I’m going to try to pretty them up myself tonight, which will likely consist of polish removal and a bit of buffing. I’ve never been good at polish, nor do I even own any.
Finally got the official move dates yesterday. DH and I leave 3/29 for California. After we get him settled in, I fly home and feel sorry for myself for 2 months until we can join him. I’m incredibly excited, but at the same time I feel like I could shat myself at any moment. TMI, sorry.
Life is good, folks. Life is good.
Currently Listening: Kenotia - You’ve Dug Your Grave Now Lie in It
Add comment March 13th, 2008
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
a bank teller my Mom worked with when she was pregnant with me
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
about an hour ago
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
eh, sometimes
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
i am seriously addicted to that crappy Carl Buddig lunchmeat. especially the honey chicken and turkey. save me from myself!
5. HAVE YOU ANY CHILDREN?
a 4 year old boy. fantabulous kid, he is.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
yeah. i’m kick ass.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
dunno. is oxygen required to live?
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
yep.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? been there, done that. i’d consider doing it again. 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? honestly? lucky charms. i haven’t eaten it in forever though. these days it’s kashi autumn wheat with a banana.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? yes. 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? yes. now physically, i’m working on that one. 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? strawberry 14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? how they treat others. if they look sad. if they should NOT have gotten that haircut or picked that particular shade of eyeshadow and then decided to wear it all the way up to their eyebrows.
15. RED OR PINK? pink 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? the extra pounds, my bum eye (that’s a whole series of blog posts, trust me)
17. DOG OR CAT PERSON? neither. i’m a bird person.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO DO THIS MEME? if that rings your bell, go for it. 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? purple pants, no shoes
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? chocolate slim fast shake 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Smashing Pumpkins Tribute: The Killer in You
purple
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
DH’s skin. that coconut/suntan oil beach-y smell. pomegranate.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?
DH
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU DO THIS STUPID MEME?
she didn’t make me do it, but i do like her. 
26. WHICH SPORT DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING MOST?
baseball
27. HAIR COLOR?
reddish brown
28. EYE COLOR?
hazel
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACT LENSES?
one contact in my right eye. cute glasses when i’m tired of dealing with the contact.
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
mexican and italian
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
both, but i prefer to laugh
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
superbad. heh.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
blue
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
summer. my first summer in california is right around the corner. so close i can almost taste it…
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
both in mass quantities
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
cheesecake
37. DAWN FRENCH OR CAROL BURNETT?
carol burnett
38. SPAGHETTI OR LASAGNA? TACOS OR BURRITOS? HAMBURGERS OR HOT DOGS?
lasagna. burritos. turkey burgers.
39. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING NOW?
Heroine’s Journey
Rumi: The Book of Love: Poems of Ecstasy and Longing
Awakening the Buddha Within : Tibetan Wisdom for the Western World
Find Your Groove: A Guide to Discovering Your Scrapbook Style
Game Over Press Start To Continue
40. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
ugly bubbles
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
super mario galaxy. do video games count?
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
music. the capture sound my camera makes. wind through trees. my boys laughing.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
neither
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
california
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
i can play violin and trumpet. well, i could. it’s been a long, long time. i can tie knots in cherry stems with my tongue.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
louisiana
47. WHY DO YOU DO MEMES?
boredom. work avoidance.
48. BOXERS OR BRIEFS?
either, as long as neither comes to bed.
49. CANDLES OR INCENSE?
candles, and then rarely. i like natural smells more than overpowering artificiality.
50. MOUNTAIN CABIN OR BEACH HOUSE?
BEACH.
Yes, I know the HTML in this post is WONK, but I’m too lazy to fix it right now. This post will be eaten by the archives soon anyway.
Add comment March 3rd, 2008
I am happy to see this, I won’t lie. I am still holding onto the tough goal of under 200 before February is over. Anything is possible, right?
Currently Listening: Radiohead - Pablo Honey. Specifically track 5 on repeat, because I’m all about self-torture.
Add comment February 23rd, 2008
Back to basics, I suppose. It’s discouraging to drop 20 pounds in January, then to be almost finished with February and realize I’ve run maybe twice and haven’t lost anything more. Eating has remained alright, but just alright. I’m not slipping back into any terrible habits, but I’m playing a little fast and loose with my schedule and sometimes, my choices. Stress = everything falls to shit.
DH and I are holding it together, day by day. Sometimes I am so furiously angry I am afraid of myself. Sometimes the hurt is so consuming I wish to die, just to have it stop for one small moment. He is learning how to help me quiet the voices and the pain, but it is a long, hard road. I have asked too many questions, I know far too much information, and my heart is broken.
My love for him is like an ocean. I am thirsty but can not drink, and the vastness of it is drowning me. I can not get past myself; out of my own damn way. I long for peace, for forgiveness, for quiet inside. I long for him. Who he was, and how he loved me with wild abandon before this terrible mistake. The way he looked at me, held me, touched me. Now in the aftermath, his desire for me is gone, but his love remains. I can feel the enormity of his guilt, and his love, wash over me with every embrace. But gone is the fire and the passion, and that scares me to death.
I have a hard time reconciling that I want my husband so desperately after he has betrayed me this way. But my love is not conditional, nor is my desire. My heart says more distance is wrong, my head says we need to take things slow. I lay in bed at night and shake with the yearning to touch him, with the yearning for him to want to touch me. He feels me pull away when it hurts too much to bear, and brings me back into him tightly, and I can relax for a few more moments, sometimes a few more hours. I feel so safe within his arms that it feels even he can not hurt me in those moments. But my skin against his is screaming for his touch, and all of the pieces within me that I am so carefully placing back together crash down again with every unspoken rejection.
Currently Listening: Radiohead - In Rainbows
Add comment February 22nd, 2008
Shock and surprise don’t begin to cover it. I think it’s been 2 weeks without exercise, and one week of eating a lot. We went out to dinner twice a day in Cali, and every meal was amazing. 99% of my choices were excellent, but when you’re embarking on a 24 hour straight drive home for which you get to drive 12 hours of, Monster Energy drinks and candy become your friend for a little while. That scared me, but falling asleep behind the wheel scared me more. Caffeine won that battle. I’m going to try really hard to fight the war a bit smarter next time, though, because I am still incredibly sick from all of that crap.
I’m also heavier right now due to my TOM coming any second now, so I may have actually *gasp* lost a teensy bit of weight on the trip.
I am extremely behind on all aspects of my personal life, so posting and responding will continue to be light and sporadic until I can get back into the groove of things again.
Currently Listening: Armor for Sleep
Add comment February 18th, 2008
She takes photographs of people she knows
She brings out the best and worst in them
And God is buried deep in the folds
Of her fractured self and the lies that they’ve told
She used to laugh at everything old
It was a joke that never aged a bit
But when they robbed her of her infinite smile
She said, “maybe I’ll just play dead for a while”
-Max Bemis (Say Anything), Retarded in Love
Add comment February 1st, 2008
Paramore is currently rocking my socks off. Add that to the list of sentences I thought I’d never utter.
Also, our marriage therapist is WICKED COOL. Anytime a therapist greets you using the voices of various South Park characters, you know you’ve found the right one.
First meeting went much better than I expected. I spent all morning literally sick with worry, and within 5 minutes of meeting Dr. S, I felt hopeful again. Even DH likes him, which I know he did not expect. We both opened up and started a little path to something. We’ll see how to goes.
Add comment January 24th, 2008
Say Anything - In Defense of the Genre
I ♥ Max Bemis. We got tickets to the upcoming SA tour with Manchester Orchestra (who, by the way, are BRILLIANT) last night. We saw Manchester open for Brand New and I was blown away.
I’m almost as excited about this concert as I am about the JEW concert this coming week.
Add comment January 17th, 2008
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